Relationship status:
bothered or broken?
All relationships are unique, and issues come in many shapes and sizes.
Your relationship might seem to be waning, lacking the sparkle it once had, as if all the joy has been drained away. You might even have given up on it entirely and be seeking a way out.
Your relationship might feel shattered after certain life events, like a bomb dropping.
Your relationship may feel good, but you realise it could be better, more deeply satisfying, and more skilful in resolving frustrations and difficulties that arise.
Whatever way you are struggling and whatever challenges you face, it will require commitment and effort to make your relationship feel better, fitter, and healthier.
That’s where couples therapy comes in, like hiring a personal trainer for your relationship. It offers an outside perspective on your issues and uses the therapist's expertise to help you adopt a new approach. In this caring environment, you can gently and creatively work to restore your relationship to full health.
Another way some couples use therapy is to assist with decision-making, which sometimes involves deciding whether the relationship is over. Clarifying the way forward in therapy usually makes those next steps run more smoothly.
What to expect in couples therapy
Considering the concept of a personal trainer for your relationship, let’s look at what happens in couples therapy.
For physical fitness, your personal trainer might suggest exercises to strengthen specific muscle groups. Your therapist will also recommend exercises that focus on thinking, feeling, talking, and sometimes writing and drawing, as well as on exploring new ways of being together. However, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What you choose to work on will depend on your circumstances and the issues you face.
These are some of the more common benefits of doing those exercises:
· To develop your communication skills
· To improve mutual understanding
· To develop practical methods for fixing things when they go wrong
· To understand how to create the conditions you require for more enjoyable physical intimacy
If you're interested in strengthening your relationship and considering couples therapy, there's no reason to wait. These times are difficult for many of us. Amid the stress and chaos of everyday life, we can stop truly listening to each other. Without active listening, our needs aren’t communicated effectively. Needs that are not communicated have little chance of being fulfilled.
If you need relationship support, marriage guidance, couples therapy, or whatever you call it, my advice is to find a good therapist and start this meaningful work right now!
A shout out for doing couples therapy online
Since the pandemic, accessing couples therapy online has become more straightforward. It proves to be an effective method, as supportive and therapeutic as meeting your therapist in person, sometimes even more so. When you attend a session online, you’re in the comfort of your own home, with no travel, no parking, and no using a stranger’s toilet! Since moving online, my clients seem less inhibited; we reach the core of the issue more quickly, and my relationship with them feels somehow deeper. So, if meeting your therapist in person seems too hard to organise, consider whether online therapy is right for you.